The story of a dildo in the making is one I’ve gone over so many times in my head that at some point I assumed I had already written about it here. Then the C1R PR guy wrote to ask me for a few quick words about my experience and I was unable to cheat and copy from the blog because the story wasn’t there to begin with.

So here we go… picture it, 2005, a hot, summer day in the San Fernando Valley. I showed up at an enormous factory and was promised a tour after the deed was done. They asked me if I needed Viagra and I refused, so confident in my ability and unaware of what was to come. I thought that this would be carried out in some sort of special room with flat screen TVs playing the porn of my choice as well as candlelight and plush pillows. Instead I was led to what can only be described as a store room with a gurney, an Ikea room divider and lots of fluorescent lighting. This was not what I expected in a million years; I at least thought I would have some stimulating experience going on the monitors, I also never expected that the guys involved in the “casting call” were not going to speak any English and they were not going to be Gay. This is so hot and it gets so much hotter.

The door opened in front of me and after a poor attempt at introductions by the ringleader of the little gang of frightened Mexican men the dude threw me a hospital gown. I responded that I didn’t see it necessary given the circumstances of my little visit here. He told me kindly that it was not for me but for them. Great. Because I was so comfortable before. I ducked around the room divider and prayed that this would all work out.

“Ready?” I heard from beyond the compressed wood chip panel.

“Ready” I responded half-heartedly and quite terrified. I thought that the “ready” meant are you ready to get this party started and after 3 minutes they began shouting and I realized that it was not what they meant. “ready?” meant the party was already in full swing. I was not and nobody bothered to tell me that this little production was on a very tight schedule and set of rules.

You see, the mixture of magic goo they use is only good for like 3 minutes before the zenith of activation is over and it must be thrown out if the mold was not cast successfully. I also have to stay really hard for about a minute while the plaster is setting on me to ensure that the mold is accurate and set. This was beginning to scare me. I had no idea how I was going to get trough this. Not only was I fishing for stimulation in the deepest recesses of my brain but I had less than 3 minutes to do it and hope to God it’s hot enough to keep my pecker at full attention long enough for this mold to set.

The first two times did not work out so well. I was able to get it up but I had to race around from the corner, hop on the gurney and then they had to stick this cone with a huge rubber ring at the end around the base of my dick and press down very hard to create this suction and then the other dude poured this very, very cold dough over my very, very overworked and very, very nervous schlong. I think the 3rd or 4th time was the last. It either worked or they just gave up; my focus was on maintaining what I had and staying at that sexy place in my head.

It was one of the most memorable, rewarding and difficult activities that I have to do in this business yet.

I got my tour as promised and as we were walking into the show room. Ma Hazzard called and asked me quite nonchalantly if I got my “dick done” yet. I said yes and I began to describe the room I was in and all its various rubber orifices staring at me. She asked me if they had any vibrators. I was lost at this point and knew we had a professional here and I thought it best that the request be forwarded onto him. He giggled and then began to walk around the floor grabbing this and that off the wall, the hook or out of the basket all the while laughing and laughing like he was talking to his best girlfriend. He hung up, walked back to me and said “She is soooooo cool” as he handed me the phone. I know she got a lot of shit and I think one of them was on a key ring!

Many Most Some One or two of you may recall back in March I received an open love letter from Digital Playground vixen Stoya. At the time I found it rather alarming as my experience with such things could best be summed up in three words. Single White Female.

Then I was contacted to meet up with her while I was in Philadelphia on important C1R business. We made a cute little video featurette together and she was a pure delight! If anyone was going to turn me it would be a hottie like her, but as luck would have it my gayness emerged from our passionate makeout session unscathed.

Today Popcorn.com published the aforementioned video so here is your chance to check it out.

Today the second season of The Lair premieres on Here! TV and they were nice enough to provide me with a little preview clip from next week’s episode. I hope you can watch tonight. I will be at work so won’t be able to see the final product. I’d like to hear any feedback from my readers, though.