I ran into an old friend that I used to work with in P’town back in the BJ years (before Johnny). I was 22 and it was my first time away from home. The start of a whole new chapter of my life. God I hated that shirt.

I met Ma Hazzard in San Francisco last week. It was her first time. I thought it’d be great to finally do all the touristy things that I’d never done. In addition to Alcatraz, Fisherman’s Wharf, Muir Woods and the Castro I surprised the Mother unit with a chauffeured trip through Sonoma Valley wine country.

I arrived the day before on a Thursday morning, 3 hours late, to fierce winds and ridiculous rain. Mom however arrived the next morning to big blue skies and sunshine; I couldn’t have been happier…wait, that’s a lie, I would’ve been much happier had I known that where I booked her hotel was crack city central; no wonder it was so cheap. As we made our way up the subway escalator we noticed a man hugging a lamp post, it was only after we got close enough that I noticed he was falling out on heroin. Mom grabbed my arm and I told her not to make eye contact and stay indoors.

We had a great time touring the city and. It was especially nice to see this great city again through a fresh pair of eyes. My favorite part would have to be the tour through Sonoma… I am a huge fan of Pinots and we tasted some amazing ones, not having to worry about driving was especially fantastic. My only regret is that Mom left on the best day of the week; it was 70 degrees, sunny and filled with naked sunbathers in the Castro.

After a very social evening and an indulgent ending at In N’ Out burger I woke up this morning hoping to round it all out with a trip to the Farmer’s Market in West Hollywood.

The avocados are beautiful, even though they take 10 days to ripen, they are well worth it.

There is an entire booth devoted to mushrooms, one for sprouts, one for nuts and seeds another one for artisan bread, a fish cart.There is something about purchasing my food from those that grow it that puts me in a great, grateful mood. I was going to buy some halibut, but decided to consult my recipe book and plan for it next week. Any suggestions?

A few Thursdays back the Pilgrim Monument here in P’town turned 100. It is the largest free-standing, granite structure in the U.S. and it is P’town’s claim to fame… among other things.

I knew there would be fireworks, but thought that by turning the radio on high and the AC on loud it would smother the noise for PD. At 9:30 I was serving one of my last tables and had a feeling that I should go home quickly and check on the dog. I was 3 minutes away by bike and my boss was kind enough to let me go.

As you might have imagined PD was gone. He had managed to flip his crate upside down and separate the walls to escape and push open the back door (by the grace of God I did choose to lock it, otherwise there would have been extensive damage done to the apt before he finally managed to get out, which he would have).

I returned to work only to say that I had to go and search for the dog. The town was packed; I have never seen so many people and I knew that the increase in population would only serve as a terrible obstacle. I asked anybody who was standing outside if they had seen a white dog run by. A couple of people said they had seen a “wild dog” tear through there about 20 minutes before. Shit. I knew what state he was in and the direction he was heading toward was bad. I got into my truck to look for a body on the side of the road… I gave up realizing that I had to go home and wait. PD has tags and angels so I was comforted in trusting that would take care of him.

At 3AM I got a phone call asking me if I was the owner of a dog named PD. 10 minutes later he arrived in the back of a Honda with some hippie dudes who were brave and kind enough to pick him up. He was filthy, scared and covered with scratches. I bathed him, welcomed him home and we went to bed. It was the next morning during our walk that I noticed a limp… upon further investigation I could see that the pads beneath his paws were worn down with chunks cut out of the larger portion of the pad.

My vet got us in and bandaged 3 of PD’s paws. I was instructed to keep them really dry and was given IV bags to keep the paws protected. That so did not last. After a weekend of the bandages and that dreadful collar they came off. For one day I had to keep them covered yet still allow air to get to them. This was a challenge as a simple sock was not doing the trick. After some drainstorming and creative flow I designed a garter belt looking thing that attracted much attention and questions from passers by; for the entire day we took back roads and avoided eye contact with anybody… PD of course I feel felt the sympathy and opted to cash in on it any chance he got. At the end of the day… I’m glad he was found and the shit makes for a good story.

Many of you may have wondered once or twice in the past year why so very little pornesque material has been featured here on Hazzard Ahead. Well, there hasn’t been much to report and I’ve sort of been over it all to be perfectly honest. So when the nice guys at AEBN approached me about having an affiliate theater created I thought it would be a great way to get my porn on without having to do, well, anything.

Imagine my surprise when they presented this to me with absolutely no input or advice from me:

I think everyone will agree that no service compares with AEBN for the true porn addict! And we all know that what an addict likes has to be the best. I couldn’t agree more. So if you’re in the mood check out my latest porn portal and let me know what you think.